1. Understand the Grieving Process

We all know that grief is part of life — but when it arrives, it rarely feels like something we were truly prepared for. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the loss of health, freedom, identity, or a future we had hoped for, grief can knock us off our feet. It doesn't move in a straight line. It doesn't arrive all at once or disappear on a schedule.

Some days it’s a wave that hits out of nowhere. Other days, it’s a quiet ache that hums beneath everything. And sometimes, it shows up even before the loss, in the form of anticipatory grief — the mourning that begins when we know goodbye is coming .Grief isn’t just one feeling — it’s a whole storm of them. And it shows up in ways we don’t always expect.

💔 What Grief Actually Looks Like
We often think of grief as sadness. But it can also look like:

• Anger — at the world, at ourselves, even at the person who’s gone

• Numbness — feeling disconnected from everything and everyone

• Exhaustion — physical and emotional fatigue that lingers for weeks or months

• Guilt — for what we said, didn’t say, did, or didn’t do

• Anxiety — a fear that more loss is just around the corner

• Relief — especially after long illness or suffering, followed by shame for feeling that way

Grief is not one emotion. It’s a mix of emotions — sometimes all at once. It can show up as tears, silence, rage, laughter, zoning out, overworking, or even physical pain. All of it is valid.

🧠 What’s Happening in the Mind and Body
Grief is a total-body experience. In your brain, it affects memory, focus, sleep, and emotional regulation. In your body, it can show up as tightness in the chest, headaches, nausea, changes in appetite, or just feeling “off.”

You might feel stuck, like the world has moved on without you. Or restless, like you can’t settle into anything. You might over-function — staying busy to avoid the pain — or shut down completely.

This isn’t just emotional. Grief rewires us, and that’s why healing from it takes time and care.

🛑 The Hidden Pressure to 'Move On'
We live in a culture that often tells people to “stay strong,” “be grateful,” or “get over it.” But real grief doesn’t care about timelines or tidy endings.

There’s no quick fix. No magic words. And “closure” isn’t something everyone gets.

Some losses change you permanently. You don’t “move on” — you move with the grief. You learn to carry it, integrate it, and find ways to keep living even when part of your world has ended.

🔍 Grieving More Than Death
Grief shows up in many forms — not just when someone dies.

• The end of a relationship

• The loss of a job, home, or freedom

• Aging or losing physical abilities

• A friend or loved one going to prison

• A dream that didn’t come true

• A part of your identity that no longer fits

These are all real losses. They deserve real mourning. Just because the world doesn’t always recognize the grief doesn’t mean your pain isn’t valid.

⏳ What About Anticipatory Grief?
Sometimes, grief begins before the actual loss.

You may be watching someone decline due to illness or addiction. You might be facing the upcoming loss of freedom, a role you love, or a sense of safety. This is anticipatory grief — and it can be just as intense as grief after the loss.

With anticipatory grief, you live in the tension of loving someone who is still here but slipping away — or saying goodbye in slow motion. It’s confusing, exhausting, and deeply emotional.

🎯 There’s No “Right” Way to Grieve
Grief is personal. How you grieve depends on your relationship to what was lost, your support system, your coping style, and your past experiences.

Some people talk. Others go silent. Some dive into action. Others fall apart. Some are flooded with emotion right away. Others feel numb for months before the grief surfaces.

All of these responses are normal.

And sometimes, grief isn’t just about sadness. It can also hold love, gratitude, clarity, and a fierce desire to protect what matters.

🧰 What Helps — and What Doesn’t
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but here are a few ways to support yourself or someone else in grief:

✅ What Helps:

• Naming the loss honestly

• Giving yourself permission to feel without judgment

• Talking to someone who can hold space without trying to fix it

• Creating rituals: lighting a candle, journaling, visiting a place that mattered

• Letting go of timelines — grief takes the time it takes

• Resting. Eating. Moving your body. Drinking water. (Simple but powerful.)

🚫 What Doesn’t Help:

• Forcing yourself to “stay strong” for others

• Pretending you’re fine when you’re not

• Comparing your grief to others’ (“It could be worse…”)

• Ignoring or numbing the pain completely

• Expecting to “get over it” in a few weeks or months

👣 Moving With Grief, Not Away From It
Grief changes us. It doesn’t mean we’re broken — it means we’ve loved and lost something that mattered.

You may never go back to who you were before. But you can become someone new — someone who knows how to honor what was lost while still finding meaning, connection, and life on the other side of sorrow.

It’s okay to carry your grief with you. It means your love still has a place to live.

💬 Final Thought
IGrief isn’t a sign that something’s wrong with you. It’s a sign that something mattered. And while the pain may not ever fully go away, it can soften. It can shift. And with time, care, and support, you can learn to carry it in a way that still leaves room for joy, peace, and connection.

Whether your grief is fresh or decades old… whether it’s loud or quiet… whether it’s shared or carried alone…

You are not alone in it.